Free-Write Friday: The Fault in Our Stars Quote

Quote:

“That’s the thing about pain,” Augustus said, and then glanced back at me, “It demands to be felt.” Pg. 63, The Fault in Our Stars

Free-Writing:

In the past three days, I led two different groups of free-writers. Ages ranged from 11 to 75. Guess what? The same free-writing process works for everyone all of the time. Maybe not babies. But everyone else.

And while it costs you two to ten minutes of time it is FREE. When I say free, as it relates to writing, I mean without form or structure and from the heart and gut.  The spontaneous style of writing which captures feelings and your authentic voice.

When I say free, I also mean as relates to money. Without cost. Free as in it doesn’t require your money and has no hidden. It’s not free in exchange for something (like an email) because that would be a barter, bribe or ploy. What I mean by free is free.

The process is simple and free and produces remarkable results EVERY time!

1. Find a prompt.

Use a quote. Pick the first line of the third paragraph in the book near you now if the prompt below doesn’t speak to you. Google writing prompts or use the one below.

Using a prompt is simply a new way in to you and what may be old material or memories that you keep telling the same old way. You come at it from a new angle and what emerges is also new and revealing. Instead of starting with, “I” you come at your writing (and life) fresh.  This alone may change the focus of what is seen.

2. Keep the fingers moving.

The only time your fingers should be resting is before the prompt writing starts and when it ends. Whether you give yourself two minutes or ten, the key is to keep the fingers moving. It’s not to cramp your hands. It’s to get beneath the conditioned mind that worries about how you appear, seem or might sound. That’s the critical mind. The conditioned mind. The judge. Some call it the ego.

Tip: It what you wrote makes perfect sense, is easy to read or understand and well-punctuated you were probably trying too hard and using the critical mind. We love that part of the mind. It’s great for editing and revising and doing resumes. It’s less fantastic for creative, raw and emotional writing, the kind that improves your immune system function and heals the heart.

3. Write the honest truth.

Remember, the person you are building trust with is yourself.

If what you have to write is too hard to share and you worry that your words might be found or read, delete or shred them. Buy yourself a safe if you want to keep them.

The most important part is being honest with yourself. It’s possible, even in a journal to deceive yourself, rationalize and justify anything. It’s pretty impossible to do that if you are writing from the heart, gut and true center of yourself. That’s the part of you that comes alive in free-writing. And that’s the goal. Not publishing (though you might). Not making a pretty poem (though you might). Not starting a social revolution (though we can hope). Just expressing.

It’s simple. But it’s not always easy.

On my 40th birthday, before my divorce, my ex gave me the best birthday party of my life. The day after, I woke up sad. I wrote in my journal that day, “Lying to myself is over.” I felt I should be happy and grateful. I was grateful. I wasn’t happy.

What kind of woman wakes up sad the day after a beautiful birthday bash?

The answer was this kind of woman. Me. I wasn’t feeling happy.

In the past I would have judged, shamed and tried to force myself out of how I was feeling. Or what I used to think of as being strong and tough and I now think of as another form of lying.

I didn’t try to force myself to FEEL happy. I didn’t calculate and plan all the ways I would use to make myself more grateful. Years later, it became quite clear exactly why I was feeling as I was. Later, it made perfect sense and the sadness had a clarity that was honest even though my mind didn’t understand why. Years later, I knew I had “good” reason to be sad.

However, that’s not the important part. We don’t always know why we feel what we do.

But we know what we feel.

We are people not pantries. We are not individual items in well-marked containers that we can sort and alphabetize. We are a stew, cooking together in a world crock pot. Our spices and aromas get mixed and merge and marinate. Some smells can be tasted, ingested and felt even if you don’t take a bite. Sometimes other people impact our emotions. Sometimes it’s us impacting others.

Writing gets to the part of us that’s human and emotional. The part that runs out in the rain and jumps in puddles and doesn’t care if she gets wet. The part that swears when cut off even though we promised ourselves we weren’t going to swear anymore. Writing helps us access the deeper self, the often unconscious or sub-conscious self.

Writing helps the left and right parts of the brain be better friends. Writing keeps the animal and higher brain swim together. Writing cleans up the head and heart and helps reveal the soul.

What I learned after my 40th birthday stays with me. We don’t and won’t always know “why” we feel how we do. I might have never found out the “reason” I was sad that day. But even if I hadn’t, I acknowledged that feeling to myself. And because I did, the entire day wasn’t gloomy. In fact, I had more space within to enjoy the gifts and the love I did feel, the gifts and people and could attend to the feelings and the gifts. Being honest allowed me to FEEL and BE more grateful. Not less. And we’ve all heard how fabulous and important gratitude is.

Had I spent the day fighting it or being mad at myself for feeling it, that likely would have consumed my whole day. I might have been smiling but I would have felt miserable. Your neighbors might not know the difference. The body does.

You don’t have to DO anything.

I guess what I am saying is that you don’t have to “do” anything with what you write. You may share it, be moved by it or inspired to change your life in some way. That may happen organically from honest expressing. But you don’t have to worry about that. Expressing, all by itself, has value.

Just write honestly about your own experiences, AS YOU ARE HAVING THEM and trust what comes up. That’s it. And it’s enough.

Start with being with yourself, honestly and authentically, for two to ten minutes a week or a day. That’s it. It’s tiny and it’s huge. It’s simple and magical.

The prompt below, inspired my daughter who is especially CRAZY FOR all things related to The Fault in Our Stars (coming to theaters today) is as follows:

Prompt:

What demands to be felt is…..

NOTE: An edited version of this blog post was published today in the Elephant Journal: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/06/the-magic-of-free-writing-christine-cissy-white/