ABOUT LOVE LETTERS TO YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
Here is where you read or write a love note to your nervous system. It’s meant to a place for survivor inspiring survivor. I believe we best know what we need for comfort, support and love but we often don’t remember that wisdom until we’re not terrified, triggered or post-traumatically stressed.
Here’s where we remind ourselves and each other of what we know and have learned. What we sometimes forget.
This is a type of support for mid-symptom kind of times when what you know to be true doesn’t seem to register yet. Eventually, these will be on audio as hearing sound can be more soothing than reading when “in the shit” of post-traumatic stress.
So, if you have some words you want to document for yourself so next time you’re having a hard time (and maybe there won’t be a next time – but just in place) you can retrieve your own counsel. Or, share your gems with others who may not be where you are on the journey yet or right now.
Write a letter and leave it as a comment. Let me know if you want your name shared or to keep it anonymous and I’ll add it the website. The most important thing is to share from your soul. Whatever would help you would help another too. Trust and believe that. Thank you.
Warmly,
Cissy
P.S. Here’s a link to the Survivor Love Letter Project which is more recent and BEAUTIFUL and inspiring.
Dear You:
Maybe it’s 2 a.m. and you don’t have a therapist on speed dial and don’t want to wake up a spouse, relative or friend.
Maybe you’ve tried every bit of self-soothing and can’t find relief.
Maybe you are looking for something that will make you feel better or just less alone.
This is the place to remember that “this too shall pass” and breathing is not optional!
When anxiety is gripping or you are having a despair attack I know it’s easy to forget everything you usually know.
And that means you are in the throws of trauma because that’s what trauma does. When the nervous system is on high alert it’s easy to lose contact with all you love, trust and believe. In fact, what you usually know deep can feel remote.
Love Notes to Your Nervous System is Me Reminding Me of What You Probably Know 95% of the Time and Can’t Hold on To When You’re Post-Traumatically Stressed Out.
These notes are for you, for now, if you are feeling triggered or frayed. And if and when you are feeling better, please write a Love Note to Your Nervous System for YOURSELF for next time and/or for someone else! What you know matters. What helps you will help others. Let’s build a reservoir for remembering for the times we forget what we know.
Sincerely,
Me
All I can think of is…. WOW.
I wish I had known about this website months ago, this love note sounds like it was written just to me <3
I will definitely be back 🙂
I’m so glad this note spoke to you. Feel free to leave and share one too!
Val,
Come back as often as you’d like. And feel free to write a letter and leave it for someone else (anonymously if you’d like by contacting me at [email protected]) and I’m so glad it spoke to you!
Cissy
Dear me,
I didn’t know I would ever have good days,I didn’t know the fear would ever become less,I didn’t know that it would sometimes seize to exist and I would one day forget about it.I didn’t know I would one day forgive and for the most part forget.
This came to be because I started to see the world differently,I started to know that I was worth more and deserved the best and that I had the right to feel good and be pain free.You first have to start telling yourself these things everyday, you have to really be kind to yourself,rest,sleep, eat well, excercize ,laugh and nourish your soul and do these things without guilt.You have to take the time to figure this out, what works and doesn’t work.You have to laugh and cry and share your story until you don’t need to any.ore.Surro d yourself with good kind people?let the rest go.
Marn,
I love that Love Note. THANK You. And this advice is so important!
“you have to really be kind to yourself,rest,sleep, eat well, excercize ,laugh and nourish your soul and do these things without guilt.You have to take the time to figure this out, what works and doesn’t work.”
I don’t think we can be reminded of this enough. Thanks for commenting.
cissy
Dear Me,
You are amazing. Simply amazing. Brave. Strong. A true Lioness.
This has been quite the journey so far, yet you are just beginning to live! Finally, you can take ownership of your life. This is your time! You are no longer the victim. You no longer need to hurt or feel ashamed. You are allowed to be imperfect and flawed and messy and chaotic because that’s what makes you so damn beautiful and special. You do not need to be afraid. There is no obstacle greater than the strength you now possess- nothing can get in your way. You are unstoppable.
So don’t stand in your own way! And let go of what hurts you. Even if its people because you are precious and so is your time and you should be celebrated not hated.
Share your truth and don’t be afraid to be seen. You are beautiful and your story will help heal and connect you to the world you always felt you didn’t belong to. You are not like your father. Or your mother. Or any of persons who hurt you. You didn’t “ask for it”. You didn’t deserve any of the physical, mental, emotional or sexual abuse. Your father, no other man, no other woman, NO ONE has the right to treat you like a possession. You are not a toy. Especially not a sex toy. You do not need to continue fighting those battles or reliving the torturous torment of those memories. They are over and you my dear are still standing, stronger than ever. You survived! No need to drive yourself mad over it. It will never make any good sense because it was WRONG. And its not your fault. And you don’t need to be that victim anymore. Now you get to be the woman who survived and does amazing things with her life! You beat all the odds! You are a success. You may feel alone, but you are not!
Forgive, but do not forget. Make boundaries and live life by your own rules. And don’t change those rules for anyone. You are entitled to decide how you will live your life, how you will raise your children, how to have relationships, and how to feel safe. You are not the only one. You are not strange or weird or damaged. You are a surviver!
Smile more. You have let the past somehow keep your smile. Take it back!
Take time for yourself and don’t feel guilty for being happy and doing things you like. Keep trying new things and face your fears. Remember this is your life now! And you’re one of the bravest, most fearless women that has ever walked this earth.
Now Warrior Princess, do not be afraid of what has been done. Its not your fault. Empower others. This is what makes us all strong.
Don’t be so hard on yourself and know that you do deserve and are worthy of love and a healthy relationship. In the meantime, find what makes you happy and reinvent yourself.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”- Carl G. Jung
Lastly, three important things- 1) You are worthy of love and you are enough! 2) You do not “need” someone to make you feel loved because You are already loved and you are enough! 3) Be open to love but know that love is not through physical touch, it is an emotion felt with the heart sent from other people’s hearts. You do not need to be touched to feel loved. And of course, dont forget , you are already loved plenty and you, alone, are enough!
With all of my love,
Me
There needs to be a button for more than Approve. There needs to be one that says ENDORSE and BAM and Heck Ya!!!
This is great. So great. Thank you for writing it for you, from you and for others! It’s encouraging and empowering!
cissy
“It will never make any good sense because it was WRONG.” YES <3
I am somewhere between feeling ok, and feeling awful.. The void place, where none of this makes sense to me, but yet I know what my truth is.. I know about my abuse, I remember, I feel the fear, I remember my little child self snuggling way in to the blankets, so that I wouldn’t be noticed; my safe place… I’m starting over, after being in therapy for many years… I feel like I am at step one, but yet somehow I know that I am stronger then before. I know now, that people would believe me, because I have a disability, people would still hear me.. Then I did not know.. I was told for many years that I was crazy and so believed this thought that was pounded in to my brain with the force of a hammer. I believed that my feelings had no value, whatsoever.. Because I was disabled, I was not a whole person; but this is not my truth any longer. I am free to spread my wings and fly.. To dream, to love me for who I am and not to pretend.. I am not alone anymore and I AM NOT CRAZY! because I am disabled, I still have my voice…. I am a survivor and no longer a victim of awful torture.. I’m so glad for second and third chances, for the love of strangers, for the love of friends.. Comfort to me is everything that I can love, and help to guide someone through the pain.. I tried to leave this earth one time, but thanks to the grace of God, I did not succeed. I am still here and everyday, I am so thankful to be a survivor. I am victorious over the sexual abuse, the hate, the filthy way that they made me feel. Never again, do I have to wake up afraid, and go asleep in fear. Never again do I have to protect my abusers and it feels so freeing to be rid of this burden. I feel at times, that I am never rid of it, but it’s a work in progress. I have to remind myself, to take those baby steps.. Baby steps are hard aren’t they? But I will not give up. For more then 20 years I was abused. In some form I was shamed, so naturally I need to remember to give myself permission to hurt.. To have loss, to feel that pain and not run away anymore. I thank you for reading and thank you for sharing. Prayers, blessings, and peaceful healing to all of us..
Dear Cynthia:
Thank you for writing. And for reminding everyone else who reads this site to give permission for ALL of the feelings and that baby steps are just fine! In fact, totally perfect!!!! Thanks for your warmth, strength and courage.
Cissy
yhank you for sharing, Cissy.
Also – this line of writing is so important.
“The void place, where none of this makes sense to me, but yet I know what my truth is.”
It can be hard to honor this place but you do by writing about it.
yes! thank you for speaking the truth
Thank you for your comments Teresa. It makes my heart happy to know the words resonate.
I am so glad I was told about this site and this love notes to your nervous system. I will be coming back as often as I can. Thank you.
Brandy:
And if you feel inspired to write a love to your nervous system and share that with others, I’m happy to post is on the website!
Cissy
Dear Baby Girl
I am deeply sorry you had to go through everything alone. You are not at fault and this shame is definitely not yours to carry. I know it’s hard to let go all the fears you’ve accumulated over time. I know it’s really hard to walk around without the baggage you’ve own for most of your life. But baby girl you DESERVE to be free. It’s okay to walk with your shoulders high. You DESERVE to be happy. Let no one take your joy from you.
I know this might sound strange coming from me, someone who barely understands love herself, but dear let love happen to you. Let it take care of you sometimes. I know how it feels not to be in control. You’ve been strong for so long and you do not wanna let your guards down. Allow yourself to fall in love and be loved back.
Baby Girl, you are light. Everything about you shines so bright. Don’t you ever doubt your abilities nor your strength. It’s time to stop denying your energy and own up to your awesomeness.
You are a Warrior.
Dear Me,
Its no suprise you are achingly lonely. What’s a suprise is that it keeps happening. Even though you were once the life of the party, the guest speaker, the MC, the confident one who had so many friends… I dont know where that “me” went, either. But I do know that you have so many, many years ahead in which to make deliberate friendships based on quality, not quantity. So even though you are lonely now, and even though you are so deeply, deeply, deeply by yourself… just trust that friends will come along. Probably from you sharing your hurt, more than from you hiding it. And love your husband back, instead of pushing him to the side because he “doesn’t understand”. He actually does understand. He fell in love with you while you were the life of the party, the MC, the guest speaker. He’s lost that you too. But he loved you for more than just those things all those years ago. And he loves you still. So even if he is your only friend right now – cherish, cherish, cherish him. Now go back to bed, and snuggle in next to the friend you keep forgetting about.
Dear me,
You are someone. You are important. You are valid. What happened to you, the things that hurt and still hurt now feel like a giant mountain to overcome, it feels easier to fold myself into a crevice of the mountain than to keep hiking up and up. But breathe. Take the time you need. I know that you feel alone and lonely. It will pass. You are planting little flower seeds all the way up the mountain and when they grow it will be so beautiful to see. This is not for nothing. This is important. This helps the world become a better place because I myself am like a little world and healing me will lead to other people’s health and happiness. Let go of the rock, pull more tiny seeds of love, of self-kindness, of curiousness, of inspiration, of self-patience from your pockets and dust them around like glitter in the sunlight.
Dear You:
YOU are someone. You ARE important.
Keep hiking. Keep coming out of the crevices from which you climb. You are NOT alone even though you do feel alone at times. It’s o.k. to feel alone, but try to remember it’s just and only a feeling.
It’s hardest to remember that though when hurting. Your work matters. What you are doing is epic. The seed planting, not just the bounty of blossoms in full bloom.
This is SUCH A BEAUTIFUL post. THANK YOU for leaving it for others and also so I could read it. It’s nurturing and lyrical and wonderful!!!
THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!
Cissy
“Let go of the rock, pull more tiny seeds of love, of self-kindness, of curiousness, of inspiration, of self-patience from your pockets and dust them around like glitter in the sunlight.”
My Dearest Constant Companions, Anxiety and Fear; You once helped me to recognize danger in others, even when I thwarted you because I thought speaking up would be too hard and scary. Doubting you, in my intuition, I would tell myself I was being silly or believe I was “looking for trouble, where there was none”; those ideas did not serve me well. You kept me safe from not only others, but also from my own mind for many years; I love and appreciate you for your constant presence in this journey. Now I am stronger, more aware, and much more courageous; it’s o.k. for you to calm and not come to my aid quite so often. It’s time for you to rest, and I vow to continue to practice mindful meditation to help you to do that. Thank you for your lessons; for today, I’ve got this.
To My real best friend forever: Me
Wow …little girl you have been through a lot in 55 years and you survived. It is especially hard now with covid pulling up so many bad memories. Gaining weight and beating yourself up about it. Just remember the good stuff. You are a true friend, and a good person and you stand up for what is true and good in this world. YOU are not a racist! You keep telling yourself you failed, the changes you made were never enough to help your daughters have a life free of trauma. That you failed your daughters. You made changes to keep them safe. They do not have 10 out of 10 on the ACES quiz like you do, so you are breaking the chains! They have more resiliency than you, and if that is not enough there is more. You are a warrior, and a go getter, you are smart and you do know what to do but you don’t trust yourself right now. You beat yourself up too much. You are beautiful, fat or skinny, you are beautiful. One person commented on the wedding photo that you hated yourelf in, that she loved the way you were looking at your daughters, and its true…. It was hard to see if you only see fat, but you can’t deny the love you have for them in your eyes. You love them so much, and they know it and they love YOU. YOU are rich in love. You will be a great grandmother, and you will keep going in this life trying for as long as you have. You are talented even if no one sees it now. When you sat in your room alone as a child staying home from school not pretending to be sick but you were being bullied and being called fat. You made little people out of clay and made little plays out of them, and they were amazing. You joined a theater club in junior high even though you were painfully shy and embarrassed and all the horribleness that was going on at home, you found your people. You did go to New York and worked off Broadway even if no one remembers it now, YOU know it! You have lived so many of your dreams, they are worth more than the trauma you suffered or the weight you carried. YOU are worth more. You can give that gift to someone else like you, who struggles now even though you don’t know who it is.
Right now, it is YOU are who needs to hear this. It is YOU who needs to hear from your best friend. You can’t change the past anymore. You can learn from it and let it go. When you see your beautiful granddaughter and see your daughter in her, don’t cry and remember all she suffered because of the man you choose to be her dad, and don’t think of that wife who was going through the abuse and gaining all that weight …as ugly. Think of her, as a survivor, and your granddaughter has a great Mother and Father who broke the chains of trauma, and your granddaughter has you, who loves her. What you weigh does not matter. Don’t be ashamed, realize it was not your fault. You are a survivor and you will survive this too. You have more to give. Even if no one sees and understands your trauma, and you feel alone. YOU believe in yourself, in your health and to making healthy changes and sometimes making mistakes. Just keep getting up. Don’t say you hate yourself like you told your husband yesterday. You are beautiful. Not just your face, but ALL of you! You deserve to be happy. You deserve the love you have now. Be happy in this moment. I love YOU.
Dear Lily:
Thank you for sharing this tender and kind letter TO YOURSELF. It’s beautiful and affirming and isn’t it powerful to be a witness to your own self and to support and befriend yourself even as you struggle or feel self-doubt or self-loathing? I’m grateful you wrote. THANK YOU!!!
Cissy