I hope you watch this entire clip but more than that, I hope survivors get heard.
The speeches are powerful, direct, insightful, and indicting.
The sentiments, unfortunately, are not.
The desire to matter, to be seen, believed, validated and supported is universal.
It’s what is often denied.
It’s why I feel gutted today.
I can’t lie. I had to stop tweeting quotes to cry. I got that migraine spinning and dizzy feeling that is my body’s version of flashback. The way one feels when one has to fight just to stay and be in the world when it stops making sense.
So many of these brilliant words been said so many times by survivor after survivor after survivor.
The words weren’t heard.
The experiences not respected.
The trauma invalidated and made worse than invisible. Survivors were punished for speaking.
For decade after decade after decade.
Sometimes, the silence breaking happening makes me hopeful.
Is the fight winding down? Is the mountain top on the next bend? Have we hit a tipping point that can’t be reversed? Can we stop losing lives to pain, shame and violence? Will our children be safe?
Other days, like today, I’m pummeled by how much silence there is to break, how interactive and intense the legacy of being silenced has been and still is.
How hard it has been to not be heard and how damaging the consequences.
I’m thinking of those who didn’t make it, weren’t heard, believed, supported or seen at all.
Ever.
I’m thinking of those who suffered, were blamed, punished and judged.
Once or repeatedly.
I’m thinking of how often the truth is met with resistance, denial, or even rage, banishment, and exiling.
Survivors aren’t often seen or heard, honored or listened to. We can listen now.
Like the judge, the detective and the DA did.
Knowing better. Doing better. Being better.
In their own words.
Sarah Klein
“As a mother I am here to say that we must care about children’s safety more than we care about adults reputations.”
“Speaking up & speaking out is not easy. Telling our stories of abuse over and over and over again, in graphic detail is not easy. We’re sacrificing privacy. We’re being judged & scrutinized & it’s grueling & it’s painful but it is time.”
Tiffany Thomas Lopez
“There are a lot of conversations in our society that we tiptoe around as if they are something to avoid. I know in my life, I’ve seen people look that way at two issues extremely personal to me. Race & sexual abuse.”
Aly Raisman
Silenced. “1997. 1998. 1999. 2000. 2004. 2011. 2013. 2014. 2015. 2016. These were the years we spoke up about Larry Nassar’s abuse. All those years we were told, “You were wrong. You misunderstood. He’s a doctor. It’s o.k. Don’t worry. We’ve got it covered.”
“The intention? To silence us in favor of money, medals, & reputation. But we persisted a
nd finally, someone listened and believed us.” “For too long, we were ignored.”
“If just one adult had listened, believed and acted, the people standing before you on this stage would have never met him.”
“Too often abusers and enablers perpetuate suffering by making survivors feel that their truth doesn’t matter.”
“To all the survivors out there, don’t let anyone rewrite your story. Your truth does matter. You matter and you are not alone.”
“We all face hardships. If we choose to listen, and we choose to act with empathy, we can draw strength from each other. We may suffer alone but we survive together.”
Their words. Again.
Day 26
You Matter Mantras
- Trauma sucks. You don't.
- Write to express not to impress.
- It's not trauma informed if it's not informed by trauma survivors.
- Breathing isn't optional.
You Are Invited Too & To:
- Heal Write Now on Facebook
- Parenting with ACEs at the ACEsConectionNetwork
- The #FacesOfPTSD campaign.
- When I'm not post-traumatically pissed or stressed I try to Twitter, Instagram & Pinterest.
I grew up getting the shit beaten out of me by my moms boyfriend, from ages 10-20 yrs old. They did get married but not until I turned 18 because they couldn’t claim me on taxes anymore, not for love. One time, early on, I got beat with the belt over 100 times with bruises on my ass for months! My younger sister and I shared a room and were told to clean it. When it was checked, for every ONE item on the floor was a beating with the belt. A pair of shoes equaled two hits. Even if the room was tidy, it didn’t matter, so I had over 100. It was excruciating and TRAUMATIZING. I couldn’t then, and still can’t believe that anyone would let that happen to a child! That’s not an isolated incident, by far. That is just one example out of 20 years to choose from. Although, as I got older and stronger, I started fighting back. My mother might not defend anyone, but I refused to let some asshole beat on me! I WASNT a doormat with zero self respect, laying around for losers to walk all over. The last fight was Dec 92 before I was to leave for boot camp 10JAN93, so I lived with my friend until I left. There were three big fights…
1) 16 ended up in ER torn ligaments in R hand & lived with my friend
2)senior year kicked out again and had to live with my friend. Didn’t get to graduate because I had to support myself instead
3)Dec 93 huge fight right before boot camp
I wasn’t a bad kid, either. I was advanced and smarter than both my mother and her boyfriend by 11, so I got the anger of his feelings of inadequacy, but nobody told me. Instead, I got beat and kicked out multiple times because that’s just so much better.
I could go on and on for days with many more examples of the horrible abuse I endured for 10 years
, but there’s just not enough room
I’m sorry for all you have experienced. I’m glad you found this site. There’s so much we can do to become the people we needed, as kids so that we have ourselves and are there for others, maybe even our own kids. Warmly, Cis
I do not want sympathy or any “I am sorry you had that happen to you” comments. Why? Because I am not sorry that my half brother raped me when I was 6 or that my biological father emotionally, physically and sexually abused me until one week after I graduated from high school. Today at 39 years old, I love who I am and I have become the person I am today not because of but inspite of the trauma I experienced in the first 18 years of my life. In the 21 years since, I have survived! I have battled depression to the point that it almost won, but the rope broke, yes I tried to hang myself. I found ways to deal with anger that was so bad that I was in a constant state of rage. I have taught myself how to recognize that I am getting anxious and to identify the cause of the anxiety, so that I can get away from the cause or so I can take the steps necessary to calm myself. I have learned so very many things. However the most important thing that I have learned is that I have the ability to stop what happened to me from happening to someone else and that I can help others who are being silenced have a voice and that is why I am a SURVIVOR and a FIGHTER. I learned that being open about my history being abused has allowed me to reach out to people who otherwise may have been lost forever and allowed me to find value and reason for the abused I endured.
No I am not ever “healed” nor will I ever be “normal” but I do not want to be. I love the me I am today and if I had not experienced it all I would not be who I am today.