When you didn’t know me you were full of questions.
When you didn’t know me you listened for answers.
When I knew you less I felt less hesitant.
When you knew me less you were more present – less circumspect.
Remember how we pulled up the blinds and slid under the covers?
Remember when we didn’t know what was in the cabinet or pantry?
We took down the shot glasses from the top shelf, reached back for the double size coffee mugs which held conversations.
How come we started reaching for the same dirty cup to fill us up?
I love you is lazy.
How are you requires attention.
I love you is the polite kiss given to the spouse on the way to see the lover.
How are you is the first sip of the chair we pulled out to climb in together.
I love you was the punctuation mark ending the sentence.
How are you opened up paragraphs.
How are you let the wind of your words lick the space behind my ears.
How are you let me rest in solar plexus when I paused before making words.
How are you let me rest in solar plexus when I paused before making words.
I love you is a bracelet, belt, scarf circling wrist, waist, neck.
It can be put on or taken off.
How are you is the cave in the marrow of the bones where we once let each other travel.
I felt closer to the you I was getting to know than the man you let be known.
I miss our beginning.
I am filled with what I’m left to wonder.
The moon slips in and covers my skin like a sheet.
She look for you and I shrug, invite her to my pillow our ears shared.
I love you is a statement.
How are you is an inquiry.
I love you is a tomb.
How are you is a heartbeat.
I told you the truth isn’t optional.
“It shouldn’t be this hard” was all you said.
I still don’t know if by “it” you meant me, honesty or intimacy.
You kept the truth a question – a fist you wouldn’t open.
How many times did you text, call and say I love you?
Too many. Too often.
I miss how you were
when you said how are you.
I love you is no company.
You Matter Mantras
- Trauma sucks. You don't.
- Write to express not to impress.
- It's not trauma informed if it's not informed by trauma survivors.
- Breathing isn't optional.
You Are Invited Too & To:
- Heal Write Now on Facebook
- Parenting with ACEs at the ACEsConectionNetwork
- The #FacesOfPTSD campaign.
- When I'm not post-traumatically pissed or stressed I try to Twitter, Instagram & Pinterest.
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