{"id":3535,"date":"2015-11-25T15:38:11","date_gmt":"2015-11-25T20:38:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/healwritenow.com\/?p=3535"},"modified":"2015-11-25T15:38:11","modified_gmt":"2015-11-25T20:38:11","slug":"carly-simon-is-a-survivor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/","title":{"rendered":"Carly Simon is a Survivor"},"content":{"rendered":"

Elephant latest.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

When a public person comes out as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I notice.<\/h3>\n

Always\u2014every time.<\/em><\/p>\n

Carly SImon is 70 years old and is speaking about being molested when she was seven, which she has reportedly written about in her forthcoming memoir Boys in the Trees<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s still rare to hear survivor stories\u2014they aren\u2019t told often enough.<\/p>\n

We are a culture that\u00a0remains too silent about childhood sexual abuse.<\/p>\n

We are a culture that is uncomfortable when people speak up about having been sexually abused.<\/p>\n

We are a culture that has difficulty facing the fact that most childhood sexual abusers are known<\/em>\u00a0by those they abuse. Trusted\u2014even loved. Family members. Coaches. Neighbors. Teachers. Religious leaders.<\/em><\/p>\n

So\u00a0when I saw the headline saying Carly Simon was sexually abused as a child, and she is speaking about it now, I read about it right away. I put my hand to my heart\u2014I\u00a0wanted to hear what she had to say.<\/p>\n

Whenever a survivor speaks, it\u2019s a spark that\u00a0creates\u00a0a light, which can bring change.<\/p>\n

When a survivor speaks up, it is a knowing nod to other survivors who are still silent\u2014those who\u00a0may be afraid or ashamed.<\/p>\n

It is a way of saying, \u201cYou are not alone, and the words may still have yet to form\u2014be said and spoken. And there\u2019s time.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

It is a way of saying, \u201cThis has happened. This happens now. We must protect our children.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Children are most often\u00a0abused\u00a0by people they know\u2014even Carly Simon. She was abused by a teenage boy who was a friend of the family.<\/p>\n

Children are often not believed when they do<\/em> speak up as children.<\/p>\n

Even Carly Simon\u2014her\u00a0sisters didn\u2019t believe her when she told them what had happened.<\/p>\n

Children\u2014even loved children\u2014are not always protected, even in what should be<\/em> the safest of places. Their own homes.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a problem that is enormous and not uncommon, even now.<\/p>\n

Part of the problem is that\u00a0so many of us have\u00a0so much trouble believing that people we know are capable of violence\u2014so we just don\u2019t believe it.<\/p>\n

Even when it\u2019s true.<\/em><\/p>\n

In many ways, it\u2019s easier for people to not believe abuse happens, than to deal with the reality that it does.<\/em><\/p>\n

So we don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Survivors know\u2014people don\u2019t want to hear it, see it, deal with it or respond. We know.<\/em><\/p>\n

We know by how we\u2019ve been treated\u2014and what\u2019s been said to us\u2014when we told, tried to tell or suffered in silence.<\/p>\n

What and who are we protecting with silence? Who and what does it protect?<\/em><\/p>\n

Not children. Not the adults we become. Not even the perpetrators who don\u2019t get treatment or punishment and aren\u2019t held accountable.<\/p>\n

But silence is understandable.<\/p>\n

Survivors, violated and betrayed to begin with, are often further injured when they come forward. When we<\/em>come forward.<\/p>\n

Instead of being asked, \u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/em> We\u00a0are often asked, \u201cAre you sure it was abuse? Are you sure it was that bad? Are you sure you want to make a big deal out of it?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

As though it\u2019s not violence\u2014not a crime that\u00a0has happened.<\/p>\n

Imagine if someone reporting a home invasion was asked, \u201cAre you sure you didn\u2019t just lose your sh*t? Can you just let it go to make for easier holidays for the rest of us? How valuable was the jewelry anyway? Maybe you just want to keep this to yourself and not tell anyone?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

That<\/em> is how survivors are often treated.<\/p>\n

That\u2014or worse.<\/p>\n

Some are accused of lying, or making stuff up, to be hurtful or selfish or cruel. Some are shamed, shunned and cut out of the family.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/em><\/p>\n

This keeps us all from dealing with the reality of childhood sexual abuse\u00a0openly and effectively. It prevents us from\u00a0healing, recovering well, re-establishing trust and protecting others.<\/div>\n

Silence is easier. Silence seems easier.<\/em> Silence is expected.<\/p>\n

Survivors are encouraged to keep silent\u2014by abusers who often threaten or manipulate, by family members who \u201ccan\u2019t believe it\u201d or\u00a0who are made uncomfortable and by a society that suggests these are issues that should be worked out in a home.<\/p>\n

Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?<\/em><\/p>\n

We need to get more clear, open and vocal on the topic of childhood sexual abuse, because<\/em> it makes people uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

We need to talk more about\u00a0safety, bodily integrity,\u00a0boundaries and respect for children\u2019s bodies. We can\u2019t work on prevention if we don\u2019t acknowledge this is a serious and frequent problem that faces by 25 to 33 percent of all children.<\/p>\n

We can\u2019t share tips on recovery and healing, if we can\u2019t say what we are struggling with and healing from.<\/p>\n

But ending the silence requires more than words.<\/p>\n

It requires listening.<\/p>\n

We\u00a0need<\/em> to listen.<\/p>\n

When children speak in symptoms (bed wetting, food problems, behavior issues.)<\/p>\n

Or when children (or adults) find the words.<\/p>\n

We need to respond when people share\u2014like Carly Simon is doing.<\/p>\n

We need to say, \u201cThank you for telling the truth.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

We need to say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry that happened to you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

How can I help?\u00a0What can be done now?<\/p>\n

We need to learn.<\/p>\n

Carly Simon\u2019s abuse started when she was seven years old\u2014she is talking about it at age 70.<\/p>\n

All the way driving home, I kept thinking, \u201cCarly Simon is a survivor.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I felt\u00a0compassion for that pained\u00a0girl and woman too. I felt\u00a0admiration for the strong woman and the scrappy kid\u00a0who survived.<\/em><\/p>\n

Just seeing her face, after reading her words, I could see that telling her truth is\u00a0powerful.<\/p>\n

This celebrity, who has graced us with the power of her words in song for years and years\u2014this gifted and talented musician and lyricist\u2014she is also a survivor.<\/p>\n

Her\u00a0admissions reach my core as much as her music does\u2014they are folk wisdom wise and tender, they are a rocking anthem of rebellion, they are lullaby truth, chant and mantra.<\/p>\n

She\u00a0is not alone.<\/p>\n

I am not alone.<\/p>\n

We are not alone.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Elephant latest. When a public person comes out as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I notice. Always\u2014every time. Carly SImon is 70 years old and is speaking about being molested when she was seven, which she has reportedly written about in her forthcoming memoir Boys in the Trees. It\u2019s still rare to hear survivor […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[52,45],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nCarly Simon is a Survivor - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Carly Simon is a Survivor - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HealWriteNow?ref=hl\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HealWriteNow\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-11-25T20:38:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/HealWriteNowLogoEARTH2.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"324\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"360\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@healwritenow\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@HealWriteNow\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Cissy White\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/\",\"name\":\"Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children\",\"description\":\"Writing & Inspiration to Heal Trauma\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/#webpage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/\",\"name\":\"Carly Simon is a Survivor - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2015-11-25T20:38:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-11-25T20:38:11+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#\/schema\/person\/21a13a82ce4000c7383830e1634cb9bd\"},\"description\":\"Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Carly Simon is a Survivor\"}]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#\/schema\/person\/21a13a82ce4000c7383830e1634cb9bd\",\"name\":\"Cissy White\",\"description\":\"Essayist \/ Journalist \/ Activist \/ Strategist \/ Feminist\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.healwritenow.com\",\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HealWriteNow\/\",\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/healwritenow\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/author\/cissy-white\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Carly Simon is a Survivor - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children","description":"Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Carly Simon is a Survivor - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children","og_description":"Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?","og_url":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/","og_site_name":"Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HealWriteNow?ref=hl","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HealWriteNow\/","article_published_time":"2015-11-25T20:38:11+00:00","og_image":[{"width":324,"height":360,"url":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/HealWriteNowLogoEARTH2.png","type":"image\/png"}],"twitter_card":"summary","twitter_creator":"@healwritenow","twitter_site":"@HealWriteNow","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Cissy White","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/","name":"Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children","description":"Writing & Inspiration to Heal Trauma","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/#webpage","url":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/","name":"Carly Simon is a Survivor - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-11-25T20:38:11+00:00","dateModified":"2015-11-25T20:38:11+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#\/schema\/person\/21a13a82ce4000c7383830e1634cb9bd"},"description":"Who and what are we protecting when we insist on silence?","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/carly-simon-is-a-survivor\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Carly Simon is a Survivor"}]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/#\/schema\/person\/21a13a82ce4000c7383830e1634cb9bd","name":"Cissy White","description":"Essayist \/ Journalist \/ Activist \/ Strategist \/ Feminist","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.healwritenow.com","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/HealWriteNow\/","https:\/\/twitter.com\/healwritenow"],"url":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/author\/cissy-white\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3535"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3535"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3535\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3536,"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3535\/revisions\/3536"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}