{"id":2374,"date":"2014-11-05T08:41:46","date_gmt":"2014-11-05T13:41:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/healwritenow.com\/?p=2374"},"modified":"2015-07-05T18:19:28","modified_gmt":"2015-07-05T22:19:28","slug":"polyvagal-trauma-whisperer-part-3-listening-stephen-porges","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/polyvagal-trauma-whisperer-part-3-listening-stephen-porges\/","title":{"rendered":"Practical Porges &#038; What Makes a Body Feel Safe (Part 3)"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1><span style=\"color: #333399;\">\u201cWe don\u2019t control it\u201d said Stephen Porges about our responses to overwhelming terror nor do we control if and when old responses come up in new situations that threaten us. <\/span><\/h1>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #333399;\">This isn&#8217;t just true for trauma survivors but for survivors of life &#8211; you know &#8211; <em>people.<\/em><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>We don&#8217;t control the &#8220;biological imperative to be connected to other humans&#8221; either said Porges and how necessary, healing and &#8220;regulating&#8221; human connections are.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, this is\u00a0complicated and\u00a0difficult for those of us who have been traumatized and neglected as children by caregivers because it means we have competing needs to be near humans as well as\u00a0afraid of and defensive of said humans.<\/p>\n<p>Trauma disrupts ability to feel safe with another,&#8221; he said.<\/p>\n<p><em>Sucks, right?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s what I say.<\/p>\n<p>This is discussed in more detail in <a title=\"Polyvagal What? Stephen Porges, Fear &amp; Trauma\" href=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/polyvagal-trauma-whisperer-part-1-listening-stephen-porges\/\">Part 1 of Polyvagal What?\u00a0Stephen Porgest Fear &amp; Trauma<\/a>\u00a0and Sucks <a title=\"Polyvagal What? Stephen Porges &amp; Trauma, Part 2\" href=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/polyvagal-trauma-whisperer-part-2-listening-stephen-porges\/\">Part 2 of Polyvagal What?<\/a>\u00a0&#8220;<img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-2292\" src=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/poetry-strip-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/poetry-strip-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/09\/poetry-strip-1024x768.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">Not feeling safe with others complicates a few things:<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">dating<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">mating <\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">parenting <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\">All can be really f&#8217;n hard.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Attachment gets ruptured,&#8221; Porges said. He spoke about how people learn patterns in early childhood that can be in evidence and seen 50-60 years later. Unfortunately, time alone won&#8217;t re-organize strategies once adaptive during traumatic stress.<\/p>\n<p>If that sounds as depressing to you as it did to me, don&#8217;t fret, Porges is not without hope. He gives practical tips for creating safety below.<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Simple &amp; Profound Changes Can Go Together\u00a0<em>Even When We&#8217;re Talking Trauma\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Porges gave the example of\u00a0someone who as an adult suffers an\u00a0MI (Myocardial Infarction). The person can understand that his\/her strategy for living might have been to turn off the body. However, when that fails to be optimal for health, or maybe even life-threatening, someone\u00a0can make the connection between the causes of the behavior and why to change. For more on trauma and long-term health consequences &#8211; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=GQwJCWPG478\">see info. on the ACE Study<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;We can stop saying, it would be nice to down regulate my stress.&#8221; Porges, and to understand instead our patterns and how they impact health, to realize, for example, &#8216;I go into rage as adaptive function because I shut down. \u2026. So I keep moving and I can\u2019t shut down but I also can\u2019t relate and create relationships.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>To be able to see what that body blocking shut-down causes in our health and relationships makes us\u00a0better able to understand ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Survivors of developmental trauma know how hard it can be to listen to, attend to and respond to the body. This might mean just\u00a0going to the bathroom\u00a0quickly\u00a0rather than holding it for hours and hours. It might mean\u00a0resting or even napping when tired. Even that.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">It means not seeing the ability to work when sick, exhausted or on empty as strength but actually for what it is &#8211; patterned self-neglect. <\/span><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-898 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141019-1-182x300.jpg\" alt=\"0313141019-1\" width=\"259\" height=\"427\" srcset=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141019-1-182x300.jpg 182w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141019-1-622x1024.jpg 622w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141019-1.jpg 1737w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 259px) 100vw, 259px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>These &#8220;simple&#8221; things can be\u00a0eally hard. Add in DOING pro-active things such as free-writing or yoga or making healthy food choices and it might\u00a0seem overwhelming. But it&#8217;s not just stupidity that makes some of us\u00a0suck at self care.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s important to understand why and how these behaviors were started so we can be patient and compassionate while changing.<\/p>\n<p>In a childhood where trauma, neglect and chaos are common\u00a0children routinely have their needs not only ignored but exploited &#8211; regularly &#8211; as &#8216;normal&#8217; life.<\/p>\n<p>So\u00a0wetting the bed and sleeping in urine-stained clothes and bedding might keep people in home away and be adaptive. But, once at school, it means ignoring the smell and shame in order to get through the teasing and a school day.<\/p>\n<p>To\u00a0not having sanitary supplies can make periods embarrassing and messy so ignoring the body makes it possible to ignore stains and spills and accidents. This prevents shame but also prevents being attentive to the body and self.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>being hungry or thirsty or confused might just have to be dealt with, suppressed or ignored\u00a0(ignoring the body makes it possible to override rumbling belly or anxious thoughts\/feelings to pay attention to traffic or in class)<\/li>\n<li>being scared while being assaulted or molested or hearing drunk parents rage or gets violent does not cause change or keep anyone safe (ignoring the body makes the fear, pain, confusion, terror and betrayal bearable)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>People who haven&#8217;t been abused or neglected tend to think of abuse as isolated incidents that can simply be forgotten. However, it&#8217;s rarely about enduring a few episodes of assault\u00a0a few times a week, month or year. Rather, it&#8217;s about a lifestyle where the entire family unit is ignoring basic bodily information about hunger,\u00a0being clean, warm and nurtured. We learn to ignore ourselves and others too or to tune in to others only when they give signs for threat rather than say closeness or intimacy or joy.<\/p>\n<p>With developmental trauma, children learn how to make chaos, neglect and f&#8217;d up stuff feel semi-normal. This might show up in adults who clean til 2 a.m. no matter how tired they are or why, as adults, some of us don&#8217;t even know how to operate unless life is busy, hectic and chaotic.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Kids in these kinds of homes get super busy, maybe stay with friends all of the time, or get super internal and listen to music and read books and hide within. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">People cope in different ways but rarely is<\/span> s<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">taying present with the\u00a0self, sensations, the bodies or\u00a0others positive, helpful or wise &#8211; AS A CHILD.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">So, these behaviors of disconnecting are DEEPLY ingrained not only in habit but in our way of being in the world even when the world around us has changed dramatically. We might not even have a clue for years or decades that not everyone walks around feeling semi to totally anxious or terrified.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><em>Understanding and respecting and having compassion for why and when and where these behaviors were learned is enormously helpful. <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Porges insists that we can\u00a0&#8220;recover and build new neural circuits to live a more enriched life.&#8221; <\/span><\/h2>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">We can understand there\u2019s biology to this (the responses to fear) and we can do some simple\/profound things.&#8221; <\/span><\/h2>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">He doesn&#8217;t leave &#8220;the things&#8221; to theory alone but gets practical.<\/span><\/h2>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: left;\"><strong>What Helps the Body (Any Body) Feel Safe &amp;\u00a0Know It Is Safe? Stephen Porge Suggests:<\/strong><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"text-align: left;\">Slow deep exhalations are calming and can be done in many ways.\n<div id=\"attachment_2349\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2349\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2349\" src=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/straw-breath-michele-rosenthal-and-yoga-blogger-suzi-looks-at-art-300x212.jpg\" alt=\"Photo Credit: Margaret Bellafiore\" width=\"300\" height=\"212\" srcset=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/straw-breath-michele-rosenthal-and-yoga-blogger-suzi-looks-at-art-300x212.jpg 300w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/straw-breath-michele-rosenthal-and-yoga-blogger-suzi-looks-at-art-65x45.jpg 65w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/straw-breath-michele-rosenthal-and-yoga-blogger-suzi-looks-at-art.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-2349\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo Credit: Margaret Bellafiore<\/p><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Singing<\/li>\n<li>Playing a wind instrument<\/li>\n<li>Talking with long phrase without interruption<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Deep breathing (I like to breathe in my nose and out a straw in traffic).<\/li>\n<li>Listening to music changes middle ear muscles.\u00a0Listening to music. \u201cListening is very special,\u201d he said, \u201cIt\u2019s a portal to trigger social engagement system.\u201dCertain types of music trigger a sense of safety. Especially with female singers.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Talking to friend<\/li>\n<li>Talking to a dog (or cat)\n<ul>\n<li>Using prosodic voice (sing song up and down)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-2451 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/image27-225x300.jpeg\" alt=\"image27\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/image27-225x300.jpeg 225w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/image27.jpeg 240w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/>Porges said\u00a0our nervous system evolved to detect modulations for safety and <strong>feeling Safer IS the treatmen<\/strong>t. Feeling safe can be a\u00a0neural exercise as can play.<\/p>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">\u201cFEELING SAFE IS THE TREATMENT.<\/span><\/h1>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #000080;\"> That might be a way to organize your thinking\u201d said Porges. <\/span><\/h1>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Isn&#8217;t that brilliant?\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">It&#8217;s nice to think of these actions as high level healing isn&#8217;t it? <\/span><span style=\"color: #008000;\">Play is another form of neural exercise. So if you are feeling safe and are involved with play you may be doing magnificent healing and that doesn&#8217;t have to be done in a therapy office. Play is healing.\u00a0All of the things above,\u00a0\u201ctriggers safety\u201d and the \u201cportal can be through breath and listening.&#8221; <\/span><\/p>\n<p>Porges says that it is our nervous system that defines safety. Our nervous system says \u2013 it\u2019s not what you say but how. Once we know biology, utilize breath through speaking to enhance vagal regulation of the heart.<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"color: #0000ff;\"><strong>Creating\u00a0Safe Spaces<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Porges gave great information about providing a safe space at work. He was talking specifically about clinicians treating clients but I have to think the information is true for most settings so I&#8217;ll share it here.\u00a0\u00a0I know it helps me think about how I want my home personal and work space.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Space should be quiet.<\/li>\n<li>Space should have no traffic noises.<\/li>\n<li>Space shouldn&#8217;t be near\u00a0elevators opening and closing.<\/li>\n<li>He mentioned looking at the\u00a0masters of\u00a0classic symphony who start\u00a0with lullaby and violins first because\u00a0classical imposers understand impact of sound. A clinician can be as intuitive. Get rid of low frequency sounds.<\/li>\n<li>Add female vocals to a space, he said, which\u00a0can allow relaxation. Folk music, extraordinarily prosodic, said Porges. He noted how\u00a0often folk music is\u00a0in context\u00a0of\u00a0social change and serious issues but\u00a0music is frolicky &amp; light. This is part of tradition of folk to convey ideas without scaring people, he said.<\/li>\n<li>If person is gaze averting, don\u2019t force eye contact. Eye gaze, when scared, isn\u2019t comfortable. Eye gaze, while safe though, is important.<\/li>\n<li>For clinicians who can&#8217;t control factors he said, &#8220;move offices&#8221; because rooms themselves have therapeutic consequences.<\/li>\n<li>Porges said\u00a0white noise machines make matters\u00a0worse, not better, and that\u00a0carpets and wall hangings which absorb noise are more helpful.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know about you but I haven&#8217;t spent a lot of my healing or recovery time playing, being joyful and indulging in music and what makes me feel safe, at least not in &#8220;formal healing&#8221; but intuitively I&#8217;ve done many of these things.<\/p>\n<p>I love silence in the car and when writing. I love listening to music (and lots of it happens to be female vocalists) does calm and help me feel connected to myself. Free-Writing with others (doing expressive writing to a prompt topic and then sharing with others) includes lots of slow breathing, lengthy talking and listening and is the most healing practice I know. Puppies and pets and giving and receiving love &#8211; with them &#8211; well that and loving school got me through childhood!<\/p>\n<p>Now, decades later,\u00a0exploring healing in a way where the emphasis is less on making myself overcome being afraid and instead of changing the environment so I feel more safe is radical.<\/p>\n<p>My skills at self-neglect and powering through are much stronger than my\u00a0being responsive to myself and inhabiting my body regularly.\u00a0<img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-896 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141016-1-e1406484071429-182x300.jpg\" alt=\"0313141016-1\" width=\"182\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141016-1-e1406484071429-182x300.jpg 182w, https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/0313141016-1-e1406484071429-624x1024.jpg 624w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 182px) 100vw, 182px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>But, that doesn&#8217;t mean I can&#8217;t and am not constantly learning.\u00a0 This is the fun part of recovery work. Thought it is\u00a0unfamiliar still is\u00a0also\u00a0also interesting, rewarding and beneficial quickly.<\/p>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff6600;\">Getting used to feeling safe is my new practice!<\/span><\/h1>\n<p><strong>Further Research<\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>http:\/\/stephenporges.com\/<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=HiJEL6tc8jI\" target=\"_blank\">Cues of Safety\/Fear <\/a>https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=HiJEL6tc8jI<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=8RKC3Ga6shs\" target=\"_blank\">Polyvagal Theory and PTSD<\/a> https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=8RKC3Ga6shs<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cWe don\u2019t control it\u201d said Stephen Porges about our responses to overwhelming terror nor do we control if and when old responses come up in new situations that threaten us. This isn&#8217;t just true for trauma survivors but for survivors of life &#8211; you know &#8211; people. We don&#8217;t control the &#8220;biological imperative to be [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2292,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[39,75,17,40,33,1],"tags":[159],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Practical Porges &amp; What Makes a Body Feel Safe (Part 3) - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors &amp; Adults Abused as Children<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/healwritenow.com\/polyvagal-trauma-whisperer-part-3-listening-stephen-porges\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Practical Porges &amp; What Makes a Body Feel Safe (Part 3) - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors &amp; Adults Abused as Children\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cWe don\u2019t control it\u201d said Stephen Porges about our responses to overwhelming terror nor do we control if and when old responses come up in new situations that threaten us. 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Adults Abused as Children","og_description":"\u201cWe don\u2019t control it\u201d said Stephen Porges about our responses to overwhelming terror nor do we control if and when old responses come up in new situations that threaten us. This isn&#8217;t just true for trauma survivors but for survivors of life &#8211; you know &#8211; people. 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