Deb:
You are a special person and one thing I appreciate about you and my sister, especially as I age, is how you both prioritize family fun and socializing. Whether it’s because I was an introvert, stretched thin as a single parent, or a pretty terrible driver, this isn’t something I did. I told my sister recently that if it wasn’t for her Kai would never see her cousins and our family would not get together near as much. You say such kind things about me but I’ve been pretty self-absorbed a good amount of my life and often just trying to juggle the things on my plate. But writing has always been something that makes me feel alive and is where I feel most like myself (as opposed to socially awkward). There is no cure for my cancer. There is just hope that a treatment will stick for a bit so I can have some time with NO EVIDENCE of DISEASE if that is possible. I haven’t given up hope that it is possible and I also am aware that for each line that fails that is less likely as I’ve been requiring more treatment just to manage/control the cancer’s spread which means, shit is getting real. But I also know I’ve lived with a disease for almost 3 years that kills 20% in the first year. I read all the time on my support groups about people who didn’t survive surgery or the first frontline chemo or who have been hospitalized so much that they have no quality of life and can’t enjoy or be there for their kids, spouses, etc. And of course, most heartbreaking to me is hearing about kids who get this disease, and young parents, which seems particularly cruel though it’s not fun for anyone. I remind myself that a full life can be lived and that isn’t dependent on the number of years we get and mine has been incredibly full and wonderful. I know I don’t see you in person much but I love you and our bond is tight and real and our time together at 3Com was special. We got to see each other all the time and that was amazing. You are a gem, a special person, and I hope Jaden never faces any more illness. She’s been through so much in her young life and deserves relief, health, and happiness. I’m sure it’s so hard to live with the fear now that you know all too well horrible things can happen for no good reason to great people of any age. I am learning things from this disease about joy stalking, seizing the day and spending time with loved ones, all things you have always been excellent at. I’ve learned deep talks and laughing our ass off are pretty much the best way to spend time (bonus when there’s yummy food around).

I love you. Thank you for your kind words, for caring, for being who you are. You are a great human. Again, I love you!
Cis

I love you and am still trying to find the words to respond!