Fiona,
It’s maddening to me that the human psyche repeats or replays or tries to work out dynamics that started during trauma. I mean I get why and have compassion (most of the time) for how it happens. It’s happened to me as well. But that doesn’t mean I don’t find it maddening too.

The peace you made with your Dad is rather astounding and maybe – rare. Or if not rare not written or talked about much. WOW. How transformative. I’m sorry you lost him but glad (if that’s not weird to say) you had a relationship worth missing. I like to believe that good lives forever and that’s why love can never be wasted. I wish that meant I was always loving and could forgive more easily. I forgive more easily than I ever have. That’s progress. But there’s a LONG way to go for me.

The yoga helps everything feel fine in the now and not urgent or rushed. I can get frantic and racing and have trouble enjoying what’s right here and amazing. Yoga helps me slow into appreciation gear and you know – breathing.

Thanks for reading. I’ve been enjoying more of your website which I’ve dipped into of late.

I have not read before of missing puberty and growing into a woman’s body. Thank you for sharing that detail. It’s one I won’t forget. Have you written about that? It’s powerful.

Thanks again for popping over here on the site. Welcome. Cissy

Jana:
I can feel the hurt and anger and that line “I feel like I’m cramming for a hundred tests at a time,” – WOW. I was just thinking/writing today about how or if it’s even possible to be a peaceful activist. Does activism always come from agitation and protest and demanding change in the face of injustice? I don’t pretend to know all the answers but I understand how emotional it can be, is and feel.

Have you been on the Mad in America website? So much of what you’ve shared I have started to hear and learn more about on that site. There are some incredible writers and people doing fabulous advocacy. I’m sorry for all of your pain and losses.
Thanks for commenting, reading and visiting. Cissy

I hope you find and feel that peace you are seeking too!

I am so glad my writing this helped you have more compassion for your own self and scanning for danger. I’m glad you told me it was helpful to you as well. Thank you for that. Cissy

I understand the need for constant noise so my mind can’t rest and think and just be.

I will need to look into mindfulness.

Thank you for writing this and to my cousin who posted this on her FB page.