Jen,
What amazes me sometimes is that the peace we seek is not always intuitive. Even things that would benefit us can sometimes be resisted or rejected. As I get older, this can throw me. More and more I find I have to DO things (yoga or guided imagery) that bring me to peace and then I don’t do so much mental wrestling and fighting. But it does seem to be my default setting. That feeling that we have to give it all, give it over and prove worthiness… I’m not exactly sure where it comes from. I do try to notice when I’m doing stuff out of obligation or guilt or bargaining which usually don’t lead to good places. Thanks for writing! Cis

When I think of making peace with myself, I find myself in a state of extreme bliss and happiness. Not because everything is fine or even grandiose, but that I have made peace with the demons that are my past. Those demons that tell me, even in my own voice, that I am lesser or not worthy of love or that in order to receive love, I must give everything, especially those parts of myself that are my own. Those parts that I am still at war with. Those parts that, should they fall prey to the wrong hands would forever scar me and they do. Oh, how they have. But in making peace with myself, I accept even these parts, especially these experiences, despite the enormous crevasses of pain, because without them, the war would continue. It is only in making peace with myself that the war can cease. And it is only in the act of peace that we can fully heal and fully forgive.