Comments on: Absence of Good: Parenting with ACEs

By: Le

Le — Mon, 22 Aug 2016 00:38:42 +0000

In reply to nicole. I'm inspired hearing all of your efforts. I'm wishing you the best. And sending you caring thoughts**

By: Cissy White

Cissy White — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 14:13:50 +0000

In reply to Pati. This is one of the most beautiful and hopeful and honest comments I've received. THANK YOU! Thank you for sharing. I had a particularly challenging parenting week, a week in which I did cry once for the way I acted. It's not my norm but I was stressed to the 9's. Thank you for this. It would move me at any time. But it moves me especially now. And thank you you for the book reference as well! Thank you so much for this BEAUTIFUL COMMENT.

By: Pati

Pati — Thu, 31 Dec 2015 05:11:46 +0000

When my boys were toddlers, they were bouncing on the bed. I forget what I said, or why, but my Nada (Not A Mother) came out off my mouth.

I sunk to my knees and cried.

My sons stopped and asked what was wrong. I said I had just talked to them the way my Nada would talk to me and I loved them and never wanted to do that again.

They hugged me and I prayed silently.

I found the books of Farber and Mazlich, and their Guide, Dr. Haim Ginott. “How to talk so your children will listen, how to listen so your children will talk” for one.

I read tons of books, but these books were my life line, my toolbox.

A friend, a child therapist, watched them when they were toddlers one day.

When I picked them up, she got choked up. She said, “They were so well behaved. Not because they were afraid, but because they realize the world works better that way.”

And, now, I have a new definition of the word “family”. I have two sons in their 20s that are such good people, Mensche. They are my wise friends and we hold each others hearts in our hands.

By: Cissy White

Cissy White — Tue, 21 Jul 2015 10:52:33 +0000

In reply to memlang.

I’m so glad you stopped by! I always like your comments at ACES. I totally agree that this could be the topic for an entire blog. Have you heard of Trigger Points Anthology? They have a Facebook page and also a book coming out as parenting as a survivor. It started as being for sexual abuse survivors but has become for those with all types of abuse.
I think we NEED to hear from one another, the struggles and the challenges and the joys and just to be able to share openly and honestly. That goes a LONG LONG LONG way. And finding out if, how, when and how much to share with our own children to limit the legacy – that too. They aren’t easy topics but are so important. I’m so glad you stopped by!!!!
Cissy

By: memlang

memlang — Tue, 21 Jul 2015 02:32:29 +0000

Hi Cissy
Came over to have a look at your wonderful website and have to say this page in particular struck a chord with me. – Your writing has done this quite a few times!
But this parenting stuff… heavy! I think you’re right. It was the absence of good/occasionally happy experiences that make it so very tricky to be the parent you want to be and keep all that expertise out of their sight, and somehow manage your own needs due to high ACEs etc. What an understatement. And yet so very very crucial to understand and achieve. I think this topic deserves it’s own blog!! There must be so many trying to do what you are and often struggling and need to find the appropriate support and hope: we CAN do this!
The things I have done to try and protect my children from what I’ve endured are kinda out there, but I know you would understand!:)
I think it’s hard to not leave some sort of impact on our children, but honesty and sheer gutsiness must surely overcome most of this legacy.
Keep up the great work. As ACEs becomes more well known and established by more of the population, this website and this topic, I’m sure, will become one in which parents will turn to. Congratulations again on such a crucial topic, Cissy!